Parsha Halacha – Ki Teitze
30 Days in Halacha
Shloshim and More
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The Torah portion of Ki Teitzei begins with the laws of an Eishet Yefat To’ar, a woman taken captive by a Jewish soldier on the battlefield. After a 30-day waiting period[1] he may marry her, during which time she is supposed to cry for her parents. The commentaries offer two opinions as to the purpose of this mourning period:
The Ibn Ezra says[2] that she would mourn for her parents who were (presumably[3]) killed in the war. The Bechor Shor adds that this isn’t a mitzvah per se (since her parents weren’t Jewish and she is becoming Jewish now) but is rather the way of the world.
According to one opinion in the Talmud[4] she would cry for the idolatry which she would now be rejecting (as she would be converting to the Jewish faith). Pagans would refer to their idols as their father and mother as the verse says,[5] “They said to wood, ‘You are my father,’ to stone, ‘You gave birth to me.’”
Why a Month?
A month includes the daily orbit of the sun, the weekly cycle which corresponds to the seven great heavenly bodies and the lunar cycle. Since the Yefat To’ar is rejecting the worship of all of those heavenly bodies, she needs to mourn for the complete cycle of all of those bodies.[6]
Ellul – 30 Days of Teshuvah
The Zohar Chadash on this week’s Torah portion says that the battle described in the Torah is the battle against the Yetzer HaRa (evil inclination)[7] and that the Yefat To’ar (beautiful woman) refers to one’s G-dly soul. Crying for 30 days alludes to doing Teshuvah (repentance) in the month of Ellul through which we repair the damage we did (so to speak) to our Father (G-d Almighty) and Mother (the Torah).[8] Ellul is the month during which Moshe Rabeinu prayed that the Jewish people be forgiven for the sin of the golden calf.
● Why a Captive?[9]
The G-dly soul is considered to be a captive within the body since the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) rules the body for the first 13 years of one’s life and the Yetzer Tov only enters (completely) at the age of 13 at which time it needs to win over the control of the body.
● Cutting the Hair and Nails
Cutting the nails and hair represents getting rid of the excesses of physical pleasures in which we occasionally indulge. (Hair and nails which come from the body but aren’t an essential part of it represent excess physicality.)
● Removing the Garments of Captivity
Removing the garments of captivity represents removing one’s sinful behaviors, as the angel said (regarding Yehoshua the Kohen Gadol),[10] “Remove the soiled garments from him and cloak him in shining garments.”
● “And Afterwards You Shall Come to Her”
The Jewish people achieve unity with G-d (the equivalent of intimacy) on Yom Kippur when the Kohen Gadol would enter the Holy of Holies and sacrifice Ketoret/incense (the word Ketoret also means to be bound up).
30 Days of Mourning (Shloshim) in the Torah
The Torah indicates in several places that there’s a 30-day mourning period after someone’s passing (besides the reference in this week’s parsha).
● Ya’akov Avinu
After Ya’akov Avinu passed away, he was embalmed for 40 days and mourned in Egypt for 30 days.[11]
● Moshe Rabeinu
After Moshe Rabeinu passed away, the Torah says that the Jewish people mourned for 30 days and only began preparations to enter the Holy Land after that time.[12]
Why Thirty Days of Mourning?
The laws of the thirty days of mourning are beyond the scope of this article. But here is how the Ma’avar Yabok (a book about the inner reasons for the laws of mourning by Rabbi Aharon Berachiah ben Moshe of Modena, Italy, 1549–1639) explains the reason for this mourning period as follows;[13]
● Ironing the Soul
In his words; “After the seven days of eulogy, the sages instituted (the remainder of the) thirty days during which ironing clothes and haircutting are forbidden, because before the soul of the departed can become “ironed,” purified and removed from the material forces and their stains—even if they are only few—it requires at least thirty days.
[During these 30 days, since the soul isn’t yet “ironed” and cleansed of its stains, it is inappropriate for the mourner to wear ironed and clean clothes. (It would seem that not taking a haircut during this time represents that the soul is still a bit spiritually unkempt.) a haircut In addition, since the soul is being judged during these days, it’s proper for the mourners to say extra prayers and study more Torah to bring merit and protection to the soul.][14]
● The 30 Levels of Ascent
“There is also an allusion to the thirty days in the secret of the thirty years mentioned in Ezekiel’s vision (Ezekiel 1:1 [“In the thirtieth year, on the fifth day of the fourth month, when I was in the community of exiles by the River Kevar, the heavens opened and I saw visions of G-d”]). These correspond to thirty levels: ten in the spiritual world of Asiyah (Action), ten in the spiritual world of Yetzirah (formation), and ten in the spiritual world of Beriah (creation). These thirty levels are stages through which the soul must ascend before its merits are bound in the bond of life with G-d in the spiritual realm of Atzilut (emanation). The soul requires great merit and purity to ascend to these levels…
● Sweetening the Judgments
“The thirty days are also required to sweeten the aspects of judgment (dinim) contained in the thirty levels (of Netzach, Hod and Yesod times 10).
● Completion of the Lunar Cycle
“And when the small lunar cycle is completed, from that point onward, the judgment upon the deceased is weakened.
● Not More than 30
“Therefore, one should not mourn even the greatest person in Israel for more than thirty days. (The laws of mourning for a parent last 12 months. This refers to mourning for someone who isn’t a parent.) For who was greater than Moshe? Yet they only mourned him for thirty days, as it says,[15] ‘And the days of weeping and mourning for Moshe came to an end…’”
The Talmud says[16] that when Rebbi (Rabbi Yehuda HaNassi, author of the Mishnah) passed away, his yeshivah resumed (part of) its learning schedule after 30 days. Since even Moshe was only mourned for 30 days, it would be inappropriate to mourn for anyone else more than that.
In a similar vein the Talmud says,[17] “’Weep not for the dead’[18] is referring to excessive mourning. How so?… Three days for weeping, and seven for eulogizing, and thirty for the prohibition against ironing and cutting hair (but not more than that).” The Talmud recounts that some people who mourned excessively ended up being given more reasons to mourn (may G-d protect us!).
What to Do on the Day of a Shloshim?
In the case of a great Torah scholar who passed away, it’s appropriate to visit his gravesite on the 30th day of his passing (as well as at the end of the shiva and the yohrtzeit).[19]
Why Visit the Grave?
When King David offered his supporter Barzilai HaGiladi to move to Jerusalem and be a member of his royal court, Barzilai declined and said,[20] “I am now eighty years old… let me die in my own town, near the graves of my father and mother.” He wanted to be buried near his family so that his family would be sure to visit his grave after his passing. The Ma’avar Yabok explains[21] that “the deceased derive satisfaction when their children and loved ones go to their graves and pray for their souls as this brings good upon them in the next world. The prayer of a son for his father who taught him Torah, as well as that of a student for his teacher, and Torah scholars who study with one another, is certainly more favorably received and bring them greater gratification than the prayers of others.”
Different Customs
The custom of visiting graves on the Shloshim (30th day after the burial) is followed by Sefardim and is the general custom in Jerusalem.[22] Some Ashkenazim, on the other hand, have the custom to not visit their relative’s grave until 12 months after passing.[23]
Make a Torah Gathering
It’s customary to make a gathering at which Torah thoughts are shared and to give extra tzedakah on the day of the Shloshim. Oftentimes words are shared about the departed.[24] This assists in the elevation of the soul of the departed at the end of this important juncture.[25]
Gravestone
Some have the custom to put up the gravestone on the 30th day,[26] whereas others put it up even earlier, at the end of the Shivah.[27]
30 Days in Other Areas of Halacha
A period of 30 days has several other Halachic ramifications. Here are some of them:
● A Member of a City
When a person lives in a city for 30 days or longer, he’s considered like a local in terms of participating in the giving or receiving of tzedakot (charitable contributions) of the town.[28]
● 30 Days Is Like a Year
The Talmud says[29] that 30 days at the end of a year is considered like a year. As such, the halacha states that if one planted a tree on the 15th of Av or earlier, once Rosh HaShanah arrives, it’s considered that the tree is already in its second year in terms of Orlah (the prohibition of eating fruit during the first three years after the planting of the tree). This is because it takes two weeks for the tree to take root, and then the last 30 days of a year count like an entire year.[30]
May we use the month of Ellul and soon experience complete dveikut with the Almighty!
[1] Deut. 21:10 – 14.
[2] See also Yevamot 48b.
[3] Chizkuni.
[4] Yevamot ibid. See also Midrash Lekach Tov.
[5] Jeremiah 2:27.
[6] Rabeinu Bachye.
[7] See Brachot 5a (“A person should always fight with his Yetzer Tov against his Yetzer HaRa.”)
[8] See Brachot 35b.
[9] See Pri Tzadik on the parsha, 1 and 2 and the Likutei Torah of the Arizal (by Rabbi Chaim Vital) on the parsha.
[10] Zechariah 3:4.
[11] Gen. 50:3 and Rashi.
[12] Deut. 34:8.
[13] Ma’amar 2, Chapter 20.
[14] Ibid, page 229 and 230 in the Ahavat Shalom printing (Jerusalem 1996).
[15] Deuteronomy 34:8.
[16] Ketubot 103b.
[17] Moed Kattan 27b.
[18] Jeremiah 22:10.
[19] Yoreh De’ah 344:20.
[20] II Samuel 19:36-38.
[21] Ma’amar 2, chapter 23.
[22] Nitei Gavriel, Aveilut vol. II, chapter 37 footnote 4.
[23] Ibid, footnote 4* citing Mihagei Mattersdorf. See also Aruch HaShulchan Y.D. 344:12.
[24] Nitei Gavriel, ibid, 5.
[25] Responsa Rav Pa’alim by Rabbi Yosef Chaim of Bagdad (known as the Ben Ish Chai), vol. 1, Y.D. 51.
[26] Nitei Gavriel , ibid, 4.
[27] Ibid, footnote 2 in the name of Rabbi Chaim Vital. This is the Chabad custom.
[28] Shulchan Aruch HaRav 429:5.
[29] Rosh HaShanah 10b.
[30] Y.D. 294:4 and Shach 4.
Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom UMevorach!