P
arsha Halacha – Parshat Va’eira – Shabbat Mevorchim Shevat
Laws of Yichud with Relatives
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We read in Parshat Va’eira that Amram married his aunt Yocheved.[1] The commentaries discuss why he did this when such a union is forbidden according to the Torah. Here are five of the explanations they offer:
- According to the Talmud,[2] Yocheved and Kehat (Amram’s father) were only paternal, not maternal, siblings. (That is,, Levi married another wife,[3] and she bore him Yocheved.) A Noahide may marry his paternal aunt and, as such, Amram, who was still considered a Noahide because it was before the giving of the Torah, was allowed to marry Yocheved.
- Although normally Amram kept the laws of the Torah, he felt that Yocheved was destined to be his wife and that he would only be able to have his special children through her. As such, he married her despite the fact that this union would later be prohibited.[4] In fact, the Zohar says[5] that Amram was Divinely instructed to marry Yocheved.
- The Ramban[6] is of the opinion that the patriarchs (and certainly their descendants) did not observe the Torah before it was given when they were outside the land of Israel.
- According to Chizkuni, G-d wanted this union to be (somewhat) questionable as this would keep Moshe humble.
- Similarly, the Shach al HaTorah writes that, since Moshe’s soul was unique and lofty, G-d “smuggled” it into the world via a halachically questionable relationship so that the Satan would not try and prevent it from being born. A similar concept is mentioned regarding the relationship of Yehudah and Tamar which resulted in the birth of Peretz, the ancestor of King David and Moshiach.
The rest of this article will discuss the halachot of Yichud (laws of seclusion) with close relatives.[7]
The Prohibition of Yichud
According to the Talmud,[8] it’s prohibited by Torah law for a man to be secluded with a woman who is forbidden to him (yichud). This includes a married woman, a woman who is a Niddah and certain close relatives (see below). As a result of a tragic incident with his children Amnon and Tamar King David added that one may also not be secluded with a single woman even if she is not a Niddah. The students of Hillel and Shammai added that one may also not be secluded with a gentile woman.[9]
Yichud refers to when a man and a woman are alone and no one else can see them or is likely to enter without warning. Yichud is also forbidden in most cases with one man and two women and, sometimes, even with one woman and two men. The details of this matter are beyond the scope of this article.
Source in the Torah
When describing the sin of Meisit (one who entices another to serve idols), the Torah says,[10] “If your brother, the son of your mother, shall incite you…” The Talmud[11]questions why only the son of a mother (maternal brother) is mentioned and not the son of a father (i.e., a paternal brother) when either of them might persuade a person to sin. As such, the Talmud says that the expression “son of a mother” is understood to be alluding to another law – that only a son may be alone with his mother but that one may not be alone with other women who are prohibited to them.
Yichud with One’s Mother or Daughter
Based on the above, the Torah explicitly permits yichud with one’s mother. The sages understood that one may also be secluded with one’s daughter since this is a similar relationship as a son with his mother.[12] Some say that the Torah explicitly permits yichud with one’s daughter as the above verse says “If your brother—son of your mother—or your son or your daughter shall entice you…” Since enticing others to serve idols is usually done in private and the daughter is mentioned as being a person who may do this enticing, we can derive that one may be alone (secluded) with one’s daughter.[13] Similarly a son may be alone with his mother since it is the same parent-child relationship.
Yichud with Grandmothers, Great-Grandmothers, Granddaughters and Great Granddaughters
A man may also be alone with his grandmother, great-grandmother, granddaughter, or great-granddaughter as naturally one has no desire for intimacy with these relatives.[14]This applies whether the above women are single or married.[15]
Sisters
The Talmud says,[16] “A man may be secluded with his sister, and live with his mother or with his daughter.” Based on this wording, Rashi explains that one may only be alone with his sister on a temporary basis, but he may not live with her in a Yichud situation on a permanent basis. This is different than a mother and son or a father and daughter who may live alone together on a permanent basis.
Basis for this Law
As mentioned above, the Torah only explicitly permits one to be alone with one’s mother (or daughter – see above). As such, it was originally forbidden for a brother and a sister to be alone together. This changed however in the beginning of the Second Temple era when the Men of the Great Assembly prayed that the desire for immorality should be diminished. Their prayer was answered in so far as the desire for incest was removed.[17] Since the desire was diminished, yichud between brother and sister is no longer forbidden (on a temporary basis).[18]
This explains the difference between parents and siblings as there never was any (kind of intimate) attraction between parents and children so there are no restrictions on yichud between them. Whereas since there was originally an attraction between siblings, it didn’t disappear completely even though it was diminished, and thus some of the yichud restrictions remain.[19]
Converts
If a family converts to Judaism they are no longer halachically related to each other. Despite this, since they are biologically related and, as such have no natural attraction for each other, the yichud laws don’t apply between these parents and children or between siblings. The same is true if one of them converted and the other one did not.[20]
Amnon and Tamar
According to the Talmud,[21] the prohibition of yichud with an unmarried woman who is not a Niddah was promulgated by King David as a reaction to the unfortunate event in which his oldest son Amnon violated his half-sister Tamar after Amnon arranged for them to be alone together.[22] The Talmud explains[23] that Amnon and Tamar weren’t related halachically as Tamar was the daughter of King David and an Eshet Yefat Toar(a beautiful gentile woman taken in battle) who was conceived before her mother converted. Under the expanded Yichud laws established by King David, Amnon and Tamar were no longer allowed to be alone together. As explained above, according to current Yichud laws biological siblings may be alone on a temporary basis. At the time of that incident, which was before the Second Temple era, even temporary yichud of siblings was forbidden and, as such, King David’s expansion of the Yichud laws meant that they would no longer allowed to be alone with each other.
How long is Temporary?
There are three opinions as to how long is considered temporary in terms of a brother and sister being allowed to be in yichud together.
● 30 Days
Rabbi Meir Arik (of Galicia 1855–1925) agreed with the opinion of one of his contemporaries that less than 30 days is considered temporary[24] and, as such, yichud between siblings should be allowed for up to 30 days.[25]
● 3 Days
Several acharonim (later sages) say[26] that up to three days is considered temporary.
● Depends on the Situation
According to Rabbi Moshe Feinstein,[27] siblings may be alone if it’s a temporary situation (like a short visit), but not if it’s a permanent situation (like renting an apartment together) regardless of the number of days.
Adopted Children
Some say that yichud isn’t forbidden between parents and children whom they adopted at a young age.[28] Most authorities are of the opinion that Yichud is forbidden in these cases.[29] In practice if a couple adopts (or wishes to adopt) children they should discuss the relevant laws with a competent Rabbinic authority.
Step-Siblings
The laws of yichud apply between stepsiblings as they are not biologically related.[30]
Other Close Relatives
One may not be alone with other close relatives such as an aunt, a niece, or a cousin.[31] In fact, if one has a particularly friendly relationship with any of the above relatives or any other woman for that matter, the laws of yichud are stricter with that woman.[32]
We will, G-d willing, learn more about this another time.
May we merit to bring about the Yichud of HaKadosh Baruch Hu and the Shechinah!
[3] Some say her name was Otah (Da’t Zekeinim MiBa’alei HaTosfot on Number 26:59. See Pardes Yosef).
[4] Ha’amek Davar. See Da’at Zekeinim MeBa’alei HaTosfot on Gen. 37:35 that the patriarchs kept the Torah when they felt it was appropriate but, depending on the circumstance, would occasionally not keep the Torah. See Gur Aryeh Gen. 46:10.
[5] Abarbanel on Exodus 2:1. See Zohar, Shemot 11b.
[7] Much of the material for this article was gleaned from Shiurei Halacha by RabbiShmuel Felder, Yichud (Lakewood N.J. 2022).
[11] Kiddushin 80b see Rashi there, Avodah Zarah ibid. and Sanhedrin ibid.
[12] Tosfot HaRosh, Kiddushin 81b D.H. Mityached.
[13] Penei Yehoshua on Kiddushin 80b.
[14] Bach on Even Ha’Ezer, 22 and Ezer Mekudash, end of Even Ha’Ezer siman 21. But see siman 22 where the Ezer Mekudash writes that he’s unsure of this matter.
[15] See Mishnah LaMelech, Hilchot Sotah, 1:3.
[18] Rashi on Kiddushin as explained by the Penei Yehoshua.
[19] Igrot Moshe E.H. 4:64:1.
[20] Ibid.
[24] See Brachot 59b that less than 30 days is considered “occasionally.”
[25] Imrei Yosher, vol. 2 responsa 43.
[26] Shevet HaLevi (5:201:5) quoting the Otzar Haposkim in the name of Devash Tzuf.
[27] Igrot Moshe, Even Ha’Ezer 4:64:3.
[28] Rabbi Eliezer Waldenburg in Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:21 and Rabbi Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe, Even Ha’Ezer 4:64:2.
[29] See Shiurei Halacha pages 31 – 33 in the name of Rabbi Yitzchak Yaakov Weiss, Rabbi Moshe Shternbuch, the Steipler Gaon and many others.
[30] Ibid, page 34 footnote 29.
[31] See ibid 1 that Rabbi Feinstin is lenient regarding yichud with one’s close (forbidden) blood relatives such as an aunt. But see Imrei Yosher 2:43, Ezer Mekudash 22 and Torat HaYichud 2, footnote 32 (in the name of Reb Shlomo Zalman Auerbach) who are all strict regarding this sort of Yichud.
Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom Umevorach and a Chodesh Tov